I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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