and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
