By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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