The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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