Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
