It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can I color on your dick again?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
