is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
