I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
