she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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