I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
