She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
