This girl is more easily done than said...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
