Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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