After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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