i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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