i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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