Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
