I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
