What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
