I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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