am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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