you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
