Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
