this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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