When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Alive.
So much puke
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
