I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
