3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
