whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
