I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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