hell yes lets make some ravioli
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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