He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
