I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
