I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you had me at cake vodka
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
