how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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