You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
