I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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