We're facebook friends in real life
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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