Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
