All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
