I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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