I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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