my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
