Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
