so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize