It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
