please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
