So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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