Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
