This girl is more easily done than said...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
