were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
