Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
