I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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