She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That accounts for only three of the penises
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
