This is not my ceiling
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
