My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
