Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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