what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
