Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
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My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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