Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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