Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
